But you're not REALLY autistic!

I have decided to present a list of reasons why I am not autistic, according to people who have no idea what they're talking about. Why? Because I hear it all the time. I've even been told my son and some of my other autistic friends and family aren't really autistic. So, here it is.

"You're not really autistic because ..."

"You can talk!"
Yes, I can. So can many other autistic people. In fact, most of the autistic people I know cane speak. Being autistic and being verbal are not mutually exclusive. My son is the only non-verbal autistic I know personally, and he's only 6. I know of a few non-verbal autistic adults, but I have not met any of them.

"You can make eye contact!"
Yup. This is a learned skill for some of us. I learned to make eye contact because if I don't people yell at me for not listening. Which is quite ironic, considering I listen better when I'm NOT making eye contact. My son makes eye contact naturally. Very intense eye contact, in fact. He's always been that way. That doesn't mean he isn't autistic.

"You have friends!"
Well, yes, I have friends. Or, more accurately, one friend. I've known her since I was 7. We became friends after I pulled her hair the first day we met because I thought she was someone else. I have quite a few acquaintances, but only one friend. My son has friends, too. He has a lot of friends, actually.

"You're too pretty/handsome!"
This one has never been leveled at me, actually. Only at my son. All the damn time. Autistic does not mean ugly and it's really freaking offensive to imply that it does.

"You're too happy!"
Again, this is one that has never been leveled at me. I have bitchy resting face so nobody accuses me of happiness. My son, on the other hand, is the happiest person I have ever met. He's all smiles and giggles 99% of the time. It doesn't mean he's not autistic, it just means he's happy. The reason he's so happy is because he is loved and accepted as he is.

"You're too smart!"
Again with the offensive shit. Being autistic doesn't mean you can't be smart. I can't even with this.

"You're too dumb!"
This is what my father was told. Well, more accurately, what I was told about my father. Granted, my father has never been formally diagnosed, but he is clearly autistic.

"You're too nice!" 
 No, I'm not. I'm a bitch. But I have been told I'm too nice to be autistic because I can be polite. I'm not only capable of being polite, I'm well versed in etiquette. I could dine with the queen without acting out of order.